On a drive home from the beach earlier today, my friend Nelly and I developed an idea for a new business. In today’s world where we have millions of online dating websites and match making companies, we need something to counter it. Enough is enough. We are going to be the first business to put an end to all that misery.
You know you have at least one friend, (probably more) that’s always complaining about their annoying other half. “He’s such a dick, I can’t stand it… …she says we don’t spend enough time together…he’ll only have sex with me during the commercials…blah blah blah.” As a friend it’s your job to be supportive and consoling, but when you just can’t take it anymore, you refer them to us and we break the news. “Listen, your relationship sucks and your friends are tired of hearing about it. Pack your bags. You’re breaking up!”
When business starts picking up we may even offer different packages so you can customize the style of break up you prefer.
The Terminator Package: We’re here to terminate your relationship. Hasta la vista, baby. You won’t be back. You’re breaking up!
The Forrest Gump Package (for more sensitive let downs): Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gon’ get. This box is empty. You’re breaking up!
The Lethal Weapon Package (for serious relationship problems like stalkers etc.): This is a real badge, I’m a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun. You’re breaking up!!!
I can totally see this taking off so you should invest now. Someday, “you’re breaking up,” will be resting on the shelf of the One-liner Hall of Fame with the best of them.